Category Archives: fourteen forms of melancholy

Addicted to circumstances. Rather die than change. Always. Doesn’t matter how many times you yourself have changed. Many times for the better. It must be resisted. What is it, “do not go gentle into that goodnight”? Every day I die a thousand deaths. Walking through the doors of experience, I am constantly tripping back and forth between inner and outer worlds. Coming back to myself, there is a necessary reconstitution. But surely enough, during every resuscitation of myself, something is always left behind and forgotten, some details addled, a colour changed here, a figure who didn’t exist prior there. My self has shifted. And gradually, over days, weeks, months, years, new phenomena, losses, gains…the self changes drastically. The me writing this sentence is slightly different than the one that started the paragraph, but the me writing the second half of this sentence is barely even the same person I was perhaps even a few months ago. The feeling of existing seems to change rapidly and one must always try to adjust and balance, or risk being extinguished. Perhaps if one could learn to sway, they might be able to get a glimpse over the edge.

“We all fell for Jon [Leidecker, AKA Wobbly] during an unforgettable moment on the platform of the train station in rural Denmark as we stood beside him with other passengers and witnessed in awe as he and his hand-held electronics conducted an extensive conversation with the local crows. Suddenly all these birds flew in and surrounded him on the train platform and began singing with him.”
–Thurston Moore

Tetsuo Kogawa on Mini-FM

The boom was fantastic, in a sense, but it puzzled us. We had intended to establish a free radio station, not to transmit a one-way performance that disregarded listeners as most stations did. During the boom, most mini-FM stations were able to communicate to a handful of people only. Many of these stations seemed to us be naively copying professional radio studio work. To the contrary, we paid attention to constant and serious listeners. We wanted to provide a community of people with alternative information on politics and social change.

The radio station that my students and I had started on the campus re-established itself in the centre of Tokyo when the students finished school in 1983. The new station was called Radio Home Run. Every day, from 8 PM to midnight, one or two groups aired talk or music programs. Themes depended on who was host and who were guests. The members always invited new guests who were involved in political or cultural activism. Also, listeners who lived close to the station hesitantly began to visit. To repeat the telephone number during each program was our basic policy. Guests sometimes recorded cassette tapes of our programs and let their friends listen. Radio Home Run quickly became a meeting place for students, activists, artists, workers, owners of small shops, local politicians, men, women and the elderly.

It is in this context that I gradually understood the meaning and potential of mini-FM. Radio could serve as a communication vehicle not for broadcast but for the individuals involved. Even if they have few listeners, these stations do work as catalysts to reorganize groups involved in mini-FM. Those who were familiar with conventional radio laughed at mini-FM because it had only a few listeners, listeners within walking distance of the station, and no consistent style. However, even if one overlooks the dramatic effect on society, one must admit that mini-FM has a powerful therapeutic function: an isolated person who sought companionship through radio happened to hear us and visited the mini-FM station; a shy person started to speak into the microphone; people who never used to be able to share ideas and values found a place for dialogue; an intimate couple discovered otherwise unknown fundamental misunderstandings. At that time nobody talked about such a psychotherapeutic function, however, given the number of people involved in mini-FM, it must have been understood unconsciously. Indeed, the 1980s in Japan saw the transition from conventional banzai collectivity to electronic individuality, where people needed different media and locations in which to replace traditional togetherness like eating and drinking with family and friends, in schools and workplace.

“The peak was named for Sir George Everest, a Survey of India man who had retired in 1843, and the name has stuck, although there have been advocates of local names; a Survey pamphlet mentions, among others, Chomolungma, the commonest Tibetan name, and Mi-ti Gu-ti Cha-pu Long-nga, which can be translated roughly as “You cannot see the summit from near it, but you can see the summit from nine directions, and a bird that flies as high as the summit goes blind.”

About Tenzing Norgay, the first to summit Everest with Edmund Hillary:

“Although Tenzing usually manages to keep above the conflict, he is hurt when, as has happened a few times, he hears Westerners say that many another Sherpa, if properly led, could have climbed Everest. When he talks of such incidents, he points to his chest and mutters about “something black inside,”

A Couple of Poems by Murakami Chiaki and Some Thoughts by His Son Haruki

Birds migrating
Ah—where they are headed
must be my homeland

A soldier, yet a priest
clasping my hands in prayer
toward the moon

——————————————————————

They call out, singing
to bring the deer closer,
the Hitler Youth

——————————————————————

At any rate, there’s really only one thing that I wanted to get across here. A single, obvious fact:

I am the ordinary son of an ordinary man. Which is pretty self-evident, I know. But, as I started to unearth that fact, it became clear to me that everything that had happened in my father’s life and in my life was accidental. We live our lives this way: viewing things that came about through accident and happenstance as the sole possible reality.

When development is the mainstream ideology of the era, and the entire nation is in love with speed, what else is there to say? On the one hand are economic progress and technical development, and on the other are environmental destruction and the decline of morality. On the one hand is the modernization of materials and technologies, and on the other is chaos encroaching on civilization. The world has never been like it is today. The roads are wide, but the people who walk them have no idea where they are going.
–Zhang Zanbo